(text-style: "superscript")[(align: "==>")[(c) 2016, 2017 Sam Wilson
Version 1.8.0] ]
(display: "startup")(set: $goldtogo to 1000-$gold)Journey into the...
<img src="title.jpg" align = "center">
(either: "Great title.","A legitimate way to spend your time.","A thrilling adventure.")
You're on a quest to collect 1000 gold pieces because you're really imaginative.
The entrance of a cave is in front of you.
[[Enter the cave->newroom]]
<img src="room.jpg" align = "center">
You enter a (either: "dingy", "dank", "miserable", "poorly-lit", "gross","slimy","gloomy","depressing","musty-smelling","fetid","reeking") (either: "chamber", "cavern", "room", "tunnel", "nook", "vault","crypt","passage").
(set: $coinflip to (random: 1, 5))(if: $coinflip is 1)[(either:"A monster leaps out at you.","A monster drops down on you.","A monster crawls out of the shadows.","You walk straight into a monster.","Oh look. A monster. What a surprise.","And is that a monster over there? Of course it is.")
[[Fight the monster->newmonster]] ](if: $coinflip is 2)[You find a treasure chest. (either: "Because everyone leaves treasure chests lying around.", "Like you do.", "Great.")
[[Open the chest->chest]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
[[Go to the market->market]] ](if: $coinflip>2)[(either: "This place is brimming with excitement.", "This place is just the best.", "You can't get over how awesome it is.", "Fantastic.", "Just wow.","Lovely.","Epic.","You seriously consider settling down here and picking out curtains.")
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
[[Go to the market->market]] ]
(if: $coinflip>1 and $potions>0)[ [[Drink a potion->drink a potion]] ]
<img src="potion.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $potions to $potions-1)(if: $hp is $maxhp)[(either:"You were already at full health, genius.","Yeah. You really needed to do that.","Oh boy, what a great use of a potion.","Some people would consider that a spectacular waste.","Drinking a potion when you're already at full health? Well done.")
](if: $hp < $maxhp)[(set: $hp to it+10)You are healed by 10 hit points.
](if: $hp>$maxhp)[(set: $hp to $maxhp)You're at maximum health.
](if: $potions>0)[ [[Drink another potion->drink a potion]]
][[Continue exploring->newroom]]
(set: $attackpower to (random: $xp,$xp*5)+$sword)(set: $monsterhealth to it-$attackpower)(if: $monsterhealth<1)[(set: $monsterhealth to 0)](either: "Thwack.","Crunch.","Flam.","Kapow.","Kablooie.","Thump.","Bloof.","Paf.") You hit the $monstername for $attackpower damage.
The $monstername's health is $monsterhealth.
(if: $monsterhealth>0)[It attacks.
[[Defend->defend]]
[[Run away->runaway]]
](if: $bribeammount<$gold and $hp>0 and $monsterhealth>0)[ [[Bribe->bribe]]
](if: $monsterhealth<1)[You won. (either: "Woo.","Whoopee.","Go you.","What a champ.","Staggering.","Inspiring.","You're amazing.","You probably deserve a parade.","We're all so proud.")
[[Loot the room->win]] ]
(set: $gold to $gold-$bribeammount)The $monstername takes $bribeammount gold coins from you and kicks you out the door. Because (print: $monstername+"s") need gold, I guess. Yeah, authentic.
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
(set: $damage to (random: $monsterlevel, $monsterlevel*3))(set: $hp to $hp-$damage)(either: "Truely you are the hero that the world needs.","So inspiring.","A picture of bravery.","Lion-hearted. Really.","Gallant.")
As you run away the $monstername hits you for $damage damage.
(if: $hp > 0)[ [[Continue exploring->newroom]] ]
(if: $potions>0 and $hp > 0)[ [[Drink a potion->drink a potion]] ]
(if: $hp < 1)[ You are so dead.
[[Game over->gameover]] ]
(set: $monsterid to (random: 1,10))(set: $monstername to $monsterid of $monsterarray)(set: $monsterlevel to (random: $xp, $xp+2))(set: $imonsterhealth to $monsterlevel*3)(set: $monsterhealth to $imonsterhealth+7)(set: $bribeammount to $monsterlevel*10)
(if: $monsterid is 1)[ <img src="caveeel.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 2)[ <img src="toadwolf.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 3)[ <img src="octopus.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 4)[ <img src="lurkingshadow.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 5)[ <img src="fangvortex.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 6)[ <img src="battlecrab.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 7)[ <img src="maw.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 8)[ <img src="thingfrombeyond.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 9)[ <img src="slither.jpg" align = "center"> ](if: $monsterid is 10)[ <img src="lunkape.jpg" align = "center"> ]
You are fighting a level $monsterlevel $monstername. (either: "What an ugly bastard.","It's quite the looker.","You can tell you're going to be besties.","Sigh.","Let's get this over with.","Oh joy.") It has $monsterhealth health.
[[Hit the monster->hit]]
[[Run away->runaway]]
(if: $bribeammount<$gold)[ [[Bribe the monster->bribe]]
](if: $potions>0)[ [[Drink a potion->battledrink]]
](if: $poisons>0)[ [[Throw a poison->battlepoison]]
]
(set: $damage to (random: $monsterlevel, $monsterlevel*3))(set: $damage to $damage-$shield)(if: $damage<0)[(set: $damage to 0)](set: $hp to $hp-$damage)(either: "Thwack.","Crunch.","Flam.","Kapow.","Kablooie.","Thump.","Bloof.","Paf.") The $monstername hits you for $damage damage.
(if: $hp<1)[ You are so dead.
[[Game over->gameover]] ](if: $hp>0)[The $monstername has $monsterhealth health.
](if: $hp>0)[ [[Hit it again->hit]]
[[Run away->runaway]]
](if: $bribeammount<$gold and $hp>0)[ [[bribe]]
](if: $potions>0 and $hp>0)[ [[Drink a potion->battledrink]]
](if: $poisons>0 and $hp>0)[ [[Throw a poison->battlepoison]]
]
<img src="winner.jpg" align = "center">
You go up a level. (either: "Because levels are real things.","Don't break anything with your amazing new powers.","Hail the conquering hero.","So, yay, progress.","It looks like you needed it.")
(set: $cashammount to (random: $monsterlevel, $monsterlevel*10))(set: $gold to $gold+$cashammount)(set: $xp to $xp+1)(set: $monsterkills to it+1)(either:"You found $cashammount gold coins in the dead $monstername's pockets.
A $monstername with pockets. Yeah.","You pick up $cashammount gold coins that are scattered across the floor.","You drag the $monstername's corpse to the village taxidermist and collect a bounty of $cashammount gold coins.","You find $cashammount gold coins on one of the corpses scattered around the room.","You cut the $monstername's body open and $cashammount gold coins fall out. What a believable thing to happen.")
(if: $gold<1000)[
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
[[Go to the market->market]]
(if: $potions>0)[ [[Drink a potion->drink a potion]] ] ](if: $gold>999)[
You know what that means? You just won the game.
[[Game Over->gameover]] ]
<img src="potion.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $potions to $potions-1)You are healed by 10 hit points. (if: $hp is $maxhp)[But you were already at maximum health. So that was a potion well-spent. Just so we're on the same page here:](set: $hp to it+10)(if: $hp>=$maxhp)[(set: $hp to $maxhp)
You're at maximum health.]
(if: $potions > 0)[[[Drink another->battledrink]]
][[Fight->defend]]
<img src="store.jpg" align = "center">
(if: $visitedmarket is false)[You head out of the caves and back to the local village, which is a bustling metropolis called "Little Pigditch". The storekeeper greets you with a belch.(set: $visitedmarket to true)
]You look at the wares on sale.(if: $gold<10)[
There's nothing you can afford.]
(if: $potions>0)[ [[Sell a potion for 5 gold->sell potion]]
](if: $poisons>0)[ [[Sell a poison for 10 gold->sell poison]]
](if: $gold>24)[ [[Buy a cardboard shield for 25 gold->buy shield]]
](if: $gold>49)[ [[Buy a wooden sword for 50 gold->buy sword]]
](if: $gold>74)[ [[Buy a wooden shield for 75 gold->buy shield2]]
](if: $gold>99)[ [[Buy a tin sword for 100 gold->buy sword2]]
](if: $gold>9)[ [[Buy a potion for 10 gold->buy potion]]
](if: $gold>19)[ [[Buy a poison for 20 gold->buy poison]]
][[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="potion.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it-10)(set: $potions to it+1)Magic potion. A totally real thing.
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Drink the potion->drink a potion]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="cardboardshield.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it-25)(if: $shield is 0)[You pick up your new cardboard shield. You're safe now. This game is as good as won.](if: $shield is 5)[Yeah, you can never waste enough gold coins on identical cardboard shields.](if: $shield is 10)[You had a wooden shield that was capable of protecting you against double the damage, but no, whatever you want. You toss your significantly better shield aside and take your new cardboard shield.](set: $shield to 5)
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="woodensword.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it-50)(if: $sword is 0)[Wood. The substance with amazing slicing properties. Hence the well known expression "As sharp as wood."](if: $sword is 10)[You already have one of those, but fine. You throw it away and take this one. Because clearly the old one wasn't exactly as good in every way. This new one is one beautiful wooden sword.](if: $sword is 20)[You... you had a better sword. You just threw it away for this sword. Made of wood.
Masterful. We're in awe.]
(set: $sword to 10)[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="potion.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it+5)(set: $potions to it-1)(if: $gold<1000)[Five gold? (either: "What a rip-off.","You're a real entrepreneur.")
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]]
(if: $gold>999)[So you just won the game. By selling a potion. What a climax.
[[Game Over->gameover]] ]
(set: $ihp to $xp*3)(set: $maxhp to $ihp+7)Health: $hp/$maxhp Gold: $gold Potions: $potions Poisons: $poisons
Experience Level: $xp
Shield: (if: $shield is 0)[None.](if: $shield is 5)[Cardboard.](if: $shield is 10)[Wood.] Sword: (if: $sword is 0)[A stick.](if: $sword is 10)[Wood.](if: $sword is 20)[Tin.]
] ] ]
(set: $first to true)(set: $visitedmarket to false)(set: $shield to 0)(set: $sword to 0)(set: $hp to 10)(set: $gold to 0)(set: $xp to 1)(set: $potions to 3)(set: $poisons to 0)(set: $monsterarray to (a: "cave eel","toadwolf","octopus","lurking shadow","fang vortex","battlecrab","maw","Thing From Beyond", "slither","lunk ape"))(set: $monsterkills to 0)
(background: black)[(colour: green)[(font: 'courier')[
<img src="chest.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $coinflip to (random: 1,4))(either:"You pry open the chest with your (if:$sword is 0)[stick.](if:$sword is 10)[wooden sword.](if:$sword is 20)[tin sword.]","You open the chest with one of the keys lying around. Yeah, any key can open any chest around here. That's just basic security.")
(if: $coinflip is 1)[A monster leaps out. (either: "It was hiding in there. Curled up real small.","It's been hiding in there for a while. It's obviously a busy creature with a lot going on in its life.","Boo.","And you thought the day couldn't get better.")
[[Fight the monster->newmonster]] ](if: $coinflip > 1)[(set: $newgold to (random: $xp, $maxhp))(set: $gold to it+$newgold)(if: $gold<1000)[You find $newgold gold coins. (either:"What a bounty.","Whoop dee doo.","Go you.")] ]
(if: $coinflip > 2 and $gold<1000)[(set: $potions to it+1) And you also find a potion. (either:"So there's that.","Yay.","Hurrah.")
](if: $coinflip > 3 and $gold<1000)[(set: $poisons to it+1) And a poison. (either:"Look at you go.","You're on such a roll.")
](if: $coinflip>1 and $gold<1000)[ [[Continue exploring->newroom]]
[[Go to the market->market]] ](if: $gold>999)[You have more than a thousand gold coins. So you've won.
[[Game Over->gameover]] ]
(if: $coinflip>1 and $potions>0 and $gold>999)[ [[Drink a potion->drink a potion]] ]
<img src="woodenshield.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it-75)(if: $shield < 10)[A wooden shield. You're now completely and totally invulnerable, assuming that you don't encounter fire, acid, arrows, swords, fast-moving rocks, clubs, maces, magic bolts, rays of frost, enemies of any kind, or woodworms.](if: $shield is 10)[You can never have enough of these. Apparently.](set: $shield to 10)
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="tinsword.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it-100)(if: $sword < 20)[Tin. A tin sword. Worth every one of the hundred coins of actual gold that you've just given away for it.](if: $sword is 20)[Another identical tin sword. No, you go ahead, buy it. You evidently know what you're doing.](set: $sword to 20)
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="poison.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it-20)(set: $poisons to it+1)(if: $poisons is 1)[A deadly liquid that looks almost identical to all the other potions that you're drinking. This will end well.
]You take a bottle of poison.
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Drink a potion->drink a potion]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]]
<img src="poison.jpg" align = "center">
(set: $gold to it+10)(set: $poisons to it-1)(if: $gold<1000)[(either: "You sell it for half the price you normally buy it for. Way to go.","Yeah, that probably wouldn't have been useful in EVERY SINGLE BATTLE.")
[[Continue shopping->market]]
[[Continue exploring->newroom]] ](if: $gold>999)[You just won the game by selling a poison.
What a satisfying ending.
[[Game Over->gameover]] ]
<img src="poison.jpg" align = "center">
Poison. The heroic way to win a fight. You throw a bottle at the $monstername.
(set: $coinflip to (random:1,2))(if: $coinflip is 1)[It misses.
[[Nice aim, jackass->hit]] ](if: $coinflip is 2)[(set: $monsterhealth to it-10)It goes into its mouth.
The monster is distracted. And poisoned. Obviously.
[[Hit the monster->hit]] ]
<img src="gameover.jpg" align = "center">
(text-style: "bold")[THANK YOU FOR PLAYING THE DEPTHS OF SARCASM
(either:"HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY","WHAT AN AMAZING PERFORMANCE","YOU MUST BE SO PROUD","GREAT JOB ALL ROUND","DON'T FORGET TO TIP THE MONSTERS","CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT","YOU WERE AN AMAZING PLAYER")]
You collected $gold gold coins and defeated $monsterkills monsters.
[[Play again->start]]